this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
