Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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