Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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