Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
