I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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