Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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