i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
