I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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