Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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