There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
