OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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