Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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