you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
