the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
