i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
