She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
