I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I could fuck to npr.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
