in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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