he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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