dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
