FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
