Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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