my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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