the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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