He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
