i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
