rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I want to be your penis for a week.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
