Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
