There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
