Define "chronic" masturbator.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
