I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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