Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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