I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
