If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
