just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
