my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
