maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
