the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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