If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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