I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
