Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So vagazzling was a success
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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