why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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