I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
