shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
