You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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