Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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