You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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