history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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