fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
