Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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