ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
