id be glad to
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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