it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
