Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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