i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
