Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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