Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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