I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They have beer where we have blood.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All the doctor said was why
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
