Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
