Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
