At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
