Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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