i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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