You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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