Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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