I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
