he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
