Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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