sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
