Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
