I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You are a genius and a whore.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
