thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think your dad took our porno
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
