I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
